How to tell people you’re moving
Moving internationally is kind of a big deal. On the excitement scale, it’s somewhere between a job change and a new baby.
Here’s what I’ve noticed so far about telling people and what I’d do differently with a little hindsight:
Keep quiet for as long as you can.
Yes, you’re excited. You can’t wait to share the news with those you love (and those you hate, haha). News will spread fast, so don’t tell anyone until you’re ready to field questions and comments. And once it’s out there, you can’t contain it. Even the most well-intentioned friends and family will end up gossiping about your big move. Trust me.
Try to reign in chatter around your kids.
We’re still a year away from moving, but we went to a wedding recently and at least four or five people came up to us with some variation of, “I heard you’re moving to the UK!” This was in front of our very astute 5-year-old, who hears everything but has no concept of time - which is why I wanted to wait to tell her until closer to moving time.
From now on, we are adding the caveat: don’t talk about it in front of the kids! Shut up! We might not be able to kick the can down the road for too much longer before she starts asking questions about this UK thing people keep bringing up . . .
Get ready for people to project their feelings.
There’s not much you can do about this, except brace yourself. Americans have a dreamy perception of England. It’s all quaint cottages and castles and cobblestones. We’ve gotten a lot of, “I’m so jealous!” “Take me with you!” “Oh, I know someone in [insert random town] - I’ll have to introduce you!” Which is flattering, but not the kind of emotional support and understanding you may be looking for.
Be prepared to answer questions or deflect.
Get ready for an avalanche questions, like why you’re moving, where you’re moving to, when will you sell your house, what about your job, etc. If you don’t have your answers ready ahead of time, you may find yourself word vomiting all over the place, offering a long, rambling, apologetic explanation about different cultures and family ties and stuff you didn’t plan on sharing.
Just remember that you don’t need to go into details if you’re not ready or comfortable. I need to get better myself about offering a simple, “We’re still figuring it out.”
Tell the people who need to know first.
You don’t want the most important people to find out from someone else. Give the grandparents lots of warning, and anyone else who spends a lot of time with your kids. Everyone’s family and friend dynamics are different, but assume that as soon as you tell one person, they’ll tell someone else. If you have a big family and want to make sure everyone hears it from you, consider announcing at a family event or group call.
Social media adds a wild card layer, as you never know what might get out there for anyone to see. Gulp.
It gets harder to keep quiet as things progress.
I won’t tell my work until maybe a month before we leave, which means I’m sitting on this knowledge for another year. More and more, I’m catching myself before I say something about moving. For example, other preschool parents might mention something about school or future plans, and I bite my tongue, not wanting to share too much unnecessarily with people who could spill the beans to my kiddo.
For a while, it’s going to feel like I’m living a double life. Not quite James Bond, but I do like a martini.
Our order of announcing has gone:
My husband’s family in the UK - It was happy news for them, and it was good practice to say it out loud. Plus, they aren’t really in contact with our friends or family here in the US, so less chance of awkward bean spills.
Close friends - We started telling people we see and talk to on a regular basis in preparation for sad goodbyes next year.
My parents - This was a big, sad announcement, but we’d already had some practice telling others, so we were more prepared to share the news with the people our 5-year-old loves the most. My parents then told my brother, whom I was planning on telling myself, so there you go - proof the news will spread fast.
More friends and neighbors - We’ve started sharing more with others in our orbit as it comes up naturally in conversation, but I haven’t said anything to our friendliest neighbors who would surely mention it every time I see them for the next 12 months.
My husband’s coworkers and colleagues - My husband is planning to continue running his business after the big move to the UK, so it’s really important to start laying the groundwork now with his contractors and clients to prep them for the change. They’ve gone on to tell other people too. Yup, news travels.
Our tenants - We wanted to be transparent with our tenants, because we need to sell our investment property to meet financial requirements. We waited as long as possible to tell them and start the ball rolling on the house sale, but the time has come now.
My work - I’ll tell my manager when we’re close to the move date, maybe a month or two ahead of time. I only need to give two weeks notice, but I love my team and don’t want to leave them in the lurch. (My coworkers live in different states so there’s less chance they’ll hear gossip before then, although I’ll need to watch out for loose lips on LinkedIn.)
