What’s the best age for kids to move?
When should you move with kids? What’s the worst age for a kid to move? Is it a good idea to move your kids to a new country? Is moving bad for kids? What’s the right thing to do?!
I’ve found that Googling about this topic is kind of like Googling suspicious health symptoms: don’t do it ‘cause you are only gonna get bad news. Search results say: you’re a terrible parent for even thinking about moving your kids - oh, and that weird eye twitch is definitely terminal.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit. Here’s what all that Googling has told me:
Under 2 years old - Perfect! Do it! They’ll be fine. (Although, anecdotally, it does seem to be relative to how big the move is, or maybe the temperament of the kiddo. We moved across town with a 15-month-old and she settled in pretty quickly. Some friends moved across the country with an 18-month-old and she refused to nap for a month sooo who knows.)
2-5 years old - Slightly more disruptive, but kids at this age are still mostly fulfilled by their family and home life. It’s not so traumatic to start a new school or daycare and make new friends. That said, moving with young kids has its own set of challenges. Preschoolers thrive on routine and don’t yet know how to manage their feelings or articulate their needs (i.e., lots of inexplicable tantrums), plus you’re trying to explain concepts they may not understand.
6-9 years old - This age is a little trickier with potential red flags: school-age kids are more clued-in on what’s going on around them, they’re established at school, and they have friends and relationships that really matter to them. However, you can also reason with older kids more. They can “help” with the move and get excited about the big new adventure they’re about to have.
10-13 years old - Tweens are more unpredictable, so this age seems like a crapshoot. Maybe they’ll be miserable and moody about the whole thing, or maybe they’ll be excited for a fresh start from whatever middle-school hell they’re going through. Who knows!
14 and older - Moving during the teen years really depends on the kid and the reason for the move. If they’ve established lifelong friendships and are settled at school, it could be pretty traumatic. But if they’re ready for a change or can see new opportunities to get excited about, it could be a positive experience.
Whew, that’s a lot to consider! After all that Googling, we’re moving when our kids are 6 1/2 and 2 1/2. Why?
We’ll be through the baby years. Our youngest will be done with the baby stuff - you know what I’m talking about. All those plastic toys and accoutrement that kick around every room and are only useful for a couple of months and baby never really liked them anyways. The chairs and the rockers and the play centers and the mats and the walkers and on and on. Plus, we’ll be done breastfeeding and can graduate from her crib. She’ll be starting to talk, getting ready for potty training, and operating on one predictable daily nap. Basically, to me, it sounds a helluva lot easier to move with a toddler instead of a baby.
My job is super flexible right now. See above - babies are a lot. I currently have a full-time remote job where I can keep my baby at home with me and balance all the demands of work and home. I’ll need to find a new job in the UK, and there’s no guarantee I’ll find something as flexible and easygoing. Right now, I’m saving thousands of dollars on childcare and I get paid to be with my baby - how can I say no to that?
Our oldest daughter will have real school experience. By the time we move, our oldest will have been through kindergarten. This will be her first time being away from home all day, every day for school. I’m hoping this gives her more confidence for entering school in the UK. I’d hate to move now, upend her whole world, and then also have her in full-time school for the first time all at once. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but that’s a lot for a little kid. I know it’s a risk though - what if she loves school and makes friends and it makes it harder to leave? Ugh.
Our youngest will have more affordable daycare options. There are some subsidized childcare benefits in the UK, and right now the government offers 15 hours per week of free childcare for ages 2 to 4. (It goes up to 30 hours per week, but non-citizens can’t use this benefit at the time I’m writing this.) So if I do find an in-office job, we would hopefully have some financial relief from daycare costs.
We need time to get everything ready for moving. It might sound dramatic, but I need the time to prepare myself and everything else. The UK spouse visa has a steep financial requirement that will take more than six months to get our finances ready for (more about the visa requirements here). We’re making our own timeline, so we may as well take the time we need to get all our ducks in a row. Quack, quack.
